Your Child Is Not Giving You a Hard Time. They Are Having a Hard Time.

Understanding Tantrums, Sleep Changes, and Big Feelings During Stressful Events

After stressful community events like wildfires, many parents find themselves asking the same question: Why is my child suddenly melting down over everything?

The answer is often surprisingly simple. Children process stress differently than adults.

While adults may express anxiety through worry or overthinking, children often communicate fear through behavior. Tantrums, sleep disruptions, clinginess, aggression, or emotional outbursts are frequently signs that a child’s nervous system feels overwhelmed.

And in times of uncertainty, even children who seem “fine” may still be absorbing the stress around them.

“Children are incredibly sensitive to emotional energy,” said Tanya Sorkin, Chief Program Officer at Children’s Burn Foundation. “They may not fully understand what is happening, but they absolutely pick up on fear, tension, and changes in routine.”

The Shift Parents Need Most

One of the most powerful mindset shifts for parents is learning to reframe challenging behavior.

Instead of asking:

Why is my child giving me such a hard time?

Experts encourage parents to ask:

What might my child be having a hard time with right now?

This perspective changes everything. Children are not miniature adults with fully developed emotional regulation skills. Their brains are still developing the ability to process disappointment, fear, uncertainty, and overstimulation. Sometimes the behavior that feels irrational to adults is actually age-appropriate emotional overwhelm.

A Helpful Parenting Reminder

One parenting strategy gaining traction among child development professionals is surprisingly simple: Look at your child’s hands. During a tantrum or emotional outburst, some parents intentionally pause and look at their child’s tiny hands as a reminder that the child in front of them is still very small and still learning. That simple visual cue can help adults shift from frustration into empathy.

What Children Need Most During Big Feelings

Contrary to popular belief, children do not always need parents to immediately “fix” emotions. Often, they simply need a calm, regulated adult nearby.

That may look like:

₋       Sitting quietly beside them while they cry

₋       Keeping them safe without escalating the situation

₋       Speaking softly

₋       Offering comfort without forcing it

₋       Remaining emotionally steady during tantrums

For younger children, this safe space may literally be sitting beside a crib or bedroom floor while they work through overwhelming emotions.

“Children feel safer when adults stay calm, present, and emotionally available during difficult moments,” said Linda Garcia, CBF Support Group Facilitator. “When children are given support, preparation, and coping tools, they are often better able to manage fear and big emotions.”

Stress Often Shows Up at Night

One common theme among parents this week has been sleep disruption. Night terrors, bedtime resistance, nightmares, and overnight wakeups can all increase during stressful community events. Many children process fear and overstimulation after the day has slowed down.

Experts recommend:

₋       Earlier bedtimes

₋       Limiting exposure to upsetting news

₋       Extra connection before sleep

₋       Consistent bedtime routines

₋       Calm nighttime environments

And importantly, parents should remember that temporary regressions are normal. Children often need additional support during stressful periods before returning to baseline.

Helping Parents Regulate Too

Parents cannot pour from an empty cup. One of the biggest themes emerging in parenting conversations this week has been the importance of adults managing their own nervous systems first. That does not mean pretending everything is fine.

It means finding small ways to regulate:

₋       Taking deep breaths

₋       Going for a walk if air quality allows

₋       Exercising

₋       Calling a friend

₋       Taking a longer shower

₋       Asking for help

₋       Stepping away from constant news coverage

Because children often absorb the emotional tone around them, a calmer adult nervous system can help children feel safer too. During difficult seasons, parents do not need to be perfect. They simply need to remain connected, present, and compassionate with both their children and themselves.

Resources & Guidance:

₋       Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy

₋       Nurtured First Parenting

₋       Tiny Stars Sleep

₋       American Burn Association (ABA)

₋       Guidance and educational insights from Children’s Burn Foundation staff and support group facilitators

₋       Reviewed by Annette Iversen Rasmussen, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and University Professor